.w.a.n.d.e.r.l.u.s.t.

a few weeks ago, i attended a friend's wedding. the couple was both my college orgmates. the guy is 3 years our senior, and the girl is my batchmate.
it was a small, private wedding. the guests roughly totaled a hundred. only close relatives and friends were invited.

we knew that they were engaged. pretty much, they seemed to be a happy couple.
so much in love. mature. emotionally secure.
but when she broke the news to us last July that she's getting hitched in a month, i couldn't help but feel shocked.
questions began clogging my head.
why so soon?
why the sudden decision to settle down?
aren't we still young for this type of things?

maybe you're asking, is she pregnant? i don't think so.
for one thing, they weren't the horny let's-get-it-on type of couple.
they're both religious, practical, and certainly not stupid. and if ever they did PMS, they probably used protection. (hahaha.)
so why then did she get married? i don't know, but i'm gonna give you the cliché answer: perhaps, she knew he was the one.

actually, it was my first time to attend a wedding of a friend.
and honestly, seeing someone i know finally tying the knot with her love-of-her-life just felt so strange.
it's supposed to be a happy event and yeah, i did enjoy it, but through out the ceremonies, i had this nudging feeling of sadness, not for the happy couple, but for myself.
it reminded me of the loneliness of being single.
it led me even to question where i'm at in my life. and what i want to do with my life.

i still consider 21 to be a young age to get married.
not more than two years out from college and barely starting to carve your career niche, there are still numerous horizons to explore.
obviously, i am still enjoying the benefits of being young and unattached - carefree lifestyle, childish issues, nonsense wanderings.
and at this point in my life, getting married is really far, far off my plans.
i've still got lots of responsibilities to my family. (i.e. i am still to finance my younger sister's schooling till she finishes college. )
and i've got a long list of stuff i'd want to do. things i couldn't do anymore once i get married.

one more thing, i've got no one special in my life at the moment. so why get married?
but will i ever get married? maybe not. no one's probably interested.
21 years of being single. enough to convince me that probably no one's gonna love me romantically.
maybe i'm born to be single. that's my mantra for the past year. and everyday, i'm getting better at accepting this fate of mine.
but you're still young. you just have to wait. love will find you.
that's what they say. but i'd rather not be too optimistic. besides, there are a lot of untold stories of people ending up alone (the universe just don't want to hear about them).
and i might be one of them.
and maybe love is not even for real. maybe it's all an illusion that people make up, just to have this so-called purpose in life.
maybe love is overrated.

then, i couldn't help but imagine what my friends' future would be like.
will they remain happy? or will they be part of the more-than-50% statistic of failed marriages?
are they going to have lovely kids? evil kids?
will they have kids at all?
will they give up on each other eventually?
marriage is not an easy road to take. it is a life-altering choice.
there would be a lot of things to worry about. lots of sacrifices and compromises.
there will be bumps, humps, and even distractions along the way.
clashes. conflicts. and more drama.

but you know one good thing that I get from the wedding?
it shed me a light of hope.
hope that i badly needed especially now that i've grown so cynical of life.

i was feeling goosebumps when i heard my friends exchanging vows to each other.
promises to stick it out through whatever-come-what-may.
through thick and thin.
in sickness and in health.
for richer or for poorer.
till death part them.

i couldn't help but smile.
i haven't found love, but my friends surely have.
and that's enough testament for me to believe.