.w.a.n.d.e.r.l.u.s.t.

last Friday night was such a blast.
My Pop Singing classmates went out for a videoke night over at Music 21.
all i can say is "WOW!" -- you've got to hear the folks.
we've got the divas, the power balladeers, soul sisters, piccolo sweeties, and
(ehem...) a whistling star performer. :)

effortless renditions of contest pieces, dance tunes, duets, and even alternative cuts...
man, 4 hours is really not enough when you've got a group of fantabulous voices!
too bad, we only had 2 mics to share among us, but everyone was just so hyper to sing along.

the pop idols, you guys rock! i am looking forward to our next showdown.

*****

i am somehow excited about my recording cd.
for one thing, it's my first time to have a studio recording.
i am not sure though if i'd sound good in groban's "to where you are".

i initially planned to give brickman's "love of my life" my own rendition, which i practiced for almost a week.
but minutes before i went in the recording booth, just when i was all psyched up to sing it...
KABOOM! -- my minus one midi file failed to play halfway through the song.

just imagine my devastation.
my frustration.
my panic.

so right there and then, i did not have a choice but to pick a new song.
for a few minutes, i skimmed through the cds available but did not find anything whose complete lyrics and entire melody i could remember.
to my desperation, i borrowed my other classmate's cd and just picked the first track in it - "to where you are."
i no longer cared about the song's key, pitch, delivery, or even the tempo.
i was damn disheartened that i just wanted to get over and done with my recording.

an impromptu mediocre performance...
a lot of awful bum notes...
sigh... a nightmare flashing right back in my memory.

my only hope now, is that the engineer would do wonders with polishing my track.
but based on the finished products i've heard from the earlier batch of recordings, that's probably not gonna be the case.

*****

o well. c'est la vie.
it's all been done and it would be totally pointless to whine about it.
i guess, i just need to buy a safe for the cd when i get my copy.
and what the fudge, the pop singing class has been so much fun, especially gaining new friends from these people who share the same interest in music as i do.
the whole experience has been fruitful, and freaking worth it - and that's what matters.

sing it for me baby! :)

i am hating myself lately. i don't like the way i speak, think, act. hindi ko maintindihan pero palagay ko nababaliw na ata ako.

napaka-morbid ko lately. there are times when i just want to die at a particular moment. nakakatakot. pero minsan na-entertain ko ang pag-iisip na what if mahulog ako sa riles ng MRT habang paparating ang rumaragasang tren? what if masagasaan ako ng rumaragasang kotse (preferably SUV or BMW, para naman sosyal) habang tumatawid? or what if mapisa ako ng pison?

kaso panget kang mamatay. di ka fabulous sa lamay mo.

lagi kong naiisip nung bata ako na mamatay ako sa cancer. sa utak. produkto marahil ng mga soap operas na napanood ko dati na may mga namamatay dahil sa brain tumors. pero ngayong tumanda na ako, iniisip ko baka sa aneurysm. funny, parang pinapatay ka ng sarili mong iniisip. but lately, feeling ko i'll die young with an internal complication. a kidney failure or some digestive system disease.

hindi ako suicidal. it may sound weird how bluntly i talk right now about death - that is my death, but it makes me always ask myself about the more important question: "handa ka na ba?"

frankly, hindi pa. there's still a lot of things i want to do.. to go on an out-of-town trip on my own. to compose a song. to go to bohol. to pursue masteral studies. the list goes on and on.

pero, pero, pero. kahit man hindi ka handa, maaari kang mamatay. yan ang totoo. may mga kakilala akong namatay pang mas bata sa akin. may isang nalunod. may isang nabangungot. and these people (i am speculating), may mga bagay pa silang ginustong gawin nung buhay sila. pero sa laro ng kapalaran, parang nagkait ito ng pagkakataong maabot ang ilan sa mga ninais nila. minsan talaga, iba magbiro ang tadhana.

ayaw ko lang mamatay nang may madaming tanong. nang may baggage. and right now, i've got lotsa issues to resolve on my own. masyadong fucked up ang utak ko siguro sa pag-iisip ng mga ganitong walang kuwentang bagay... pero may iiyak nga ba kung mamatay ako? baka kailangang umarkila ng crying ladies (puede na rin si hilda coronel if ever).

i think i need to see a shrink. hindi rin nakakatulong ang sina-psychoanalyze ang sarili. or better yet, canvass for nice funeral packages...

teka, magkano ba ang lote sa eternal gardens?

i'm back.

for two months, this journal's been dead. it's a shame i've failed to log even just a few lines about major stuff happening to me lately...

i flew to the US.
i turned 22.
my weight gain.
office crush said "hi!" for the first time.
my very first studio recording.

i. am. sorry. (sounds like PGMA huh?)

anyways, to celebrate the return from my hiatus, i decided to change my blogskin.
credits to abandoned angel (c/o blogskins) for my blog's new look.
simple. black and white. minimalist.
the downside though: "comments" function don't work for this skin.

also, i said to myself: mag-ta-tagalog na ako sa blog.
i realized i'd be able to talk more about things in the vernacular.
kaya, ayun. bilingual na ang blog na ito from now on.

post ka na rev!