Wednesday, September 08, 2004
desperado
it's official. i am in an american idol 3 overload.
so weeks ago, as i was not doing much at the office, i downloaded american idol 3 mp3s - all of the performances from top 32 right down to the finals.
(bad cheetah. mp3 downloading is prohibited here in the company.)
until now, my ears are not yet tired of hearing the same songs incessantly played on my winamp.
well, i am a fan of Jasmine Trias and Camile Velasco - the pretty pinays who made it to the top 12.
i simply cannot get enough of them.
*****
Among the Camile songs, "Desperado" is my favorite.
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now.
Oh, you're a hard one,
but I know that you've got your reasons.
These things that are pleasin' you
can hurt you somehow.
Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy!
She'll beat you, if she's able.
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet.
Now it seems to me some fine things
have been laid upon your table,
but you only want the ones that you can't get.
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You better let somebody love you
You better let somebody love you
before it's too late.
Actually, I'm not familiar with the song before A.I.3 -- I didn't know it was an Eagles hit.
But the first time I heard it, my eyes were welling. (I am such a crybaby.)
Maybe it was the sad tone of the song. plus the confronting lyrics.
it felt as if the song was singing of my longing. of my emptiness. of my vulnerability.
of my own desperation.
Though i'm not exactly the desperado who endlessly enjoys fleeting experiences and encounters but ends up feeling incomplete after it all,
I am still fundamentally a desperado -- I crave for affirmation. I long for security. I need love.
living 21 years of singlehood, i think i came to the point where i finally feel the loneliness of not having someone special in my life.
wallowing in self-pity is even my favorite pasttime nowadays.
i bombard myself with questions scrutinizing the worst of me.
is something wrong with me?
am i that ugly?
am i that very uninteresting?
am i such a turn-off?
is it my hair?
is it because i'm short?
is it because i'm dark?
is it because i'm a bad dresser?
why don't people see me as a prospect?
will i ever be enough for anybody?
have i missed my chance on love?
fine. i have insecurity issues. and yeah, it surely doesn't help.
sometimes, despite the constant assurance to myself that "I am okay", whenever i see happy couples, i feel so low.
i feel as if my existence does not matter to anyone.
i feel empty.
i feel so unloved.
i feel unwanted.
friends have told me that love is a matter of waiting. that we shouldn't go looking for it.
that we just need to be patient.
sure, i'll wait..but what if love doesn't find me?
will the waiting be all in vain?
*sigh*
perhaps i'm just not that lucky with love.
*****
Desperado, ah, you ain't gettin' no younger.
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home.
Freedom, oh, freedom. That's just some people talkin'
You're a prisoner walking through this world all alone.
so weeks ago, as i was not doing much at the office, i downloaded american idol 3 mp3s - all of the performances from top 32 right down to the finals.
(bad cheetah. mp3 downloading is prohibited here in the company.)
until now, my ears are not yet tired of hearing the same songs incessantly played on my winamp.
well, i am a fan of Jasmine Trias and Camile Velasco - the pretty pinays who made it to the top 12.
i simply cannot get enough of them.
*****
Among the Camile songs, "Desperado" is my favorite.
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now.
Oh, you're a hard one,
but I know that you've got your reasons.
These things that are pleasin' you
can hurt you somehow.
Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy!
She'll beat you, if she's able.
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet.
Now it seems to me some fine things
have been laid upon your table,
but you only want the ones that you can't get.
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You better let somebody love you
You better let somebody love you
before it's too late.
Actually, I'm not familiar with the song before A.I.3 -- I didn't know it was an Eagles hit.
But the first time I heard it, my eyes were welling. (I am such a crybaby.)
Maybe it was the sad tone of the song. plus the confronting lyrics.
it felt as if the song was singing of my longing. of my emptiness. of my vulnerability.
of my own desperation.
Though i'm not exactly the desperado who endlessly enjoys fleeting experiences and encounters but ends up feeling incomplete after it all,
I am still fundamentally a desperado -- I crave for affirmation. I long for security. I need love.
living 21 years of singlehood, i think i came to the point where i finally feel the loneliness of not having someone special in my life.
wallowing in self-pity is even my favorite pasttime nowadays.
i bombard myself with questions scrutinizing the worst of me.
is something wrong with me?
am i that ugly?
am i that very uninteresting?
am i such a turn-off?
is it my hair?
is it because i'm short?
is it because i'm dark?
is it because i'm a bad dresser?
why don't people see me as a prospect?
will i ever be enough for anybody?
have i missed my chance on love?
fine. i have insecurity issues. and yeah, it surely doesn't help.
sometimes, despite the constant assurance to myself that "I am okay", whenever i see happy couples, i feel so low.
i feel as if my existence does not matter to anyone.
i feel empty.
i feel so unloved.
i feel unwanted.
friends have told me that love is a matter of waiting. that we shouldn't go looking for it.
that we just need to be patient.
sure, i'll wait..but what if love doesn't find me?
will the waiting be all in vain?
*sigh*
perhaps i'm just not that lucky with love.
*****
Desperado, ah, you ain't gettin' no younger.
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home.
Freedom, oh, freedom. That's just some people talkin'
You're a prisoner walking through this world all alone.
// posted by revicon @ 5:44:00 PM 
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