Friday, September 17, 2004
1-800-LOVE-911
call centers are a booming industry right now in third-world countries like the Philippines. for one thing, labor is relatively cheaper in Asian countries, and thus, outsourcing is an effective cost-cutting options for global companies. as to whether this is a sustainable economic phenomenon, i don't have sufficient knowledge about it. a lot of people are saying that this boom will only last for a couple of years, but some argue that call centers are here to stay.
i know a lot of people who are actually employed in call centers. for one thing, call centers pay better than usual daytime office jobs. plus, the population in companies like these is relatively young and for sure, you'd feel very comfortable with the crowd. professional growth seems to be promising, as the industry is relatively young and unergoing expansion -- thus a lot of higher management and leadership positions are up for grabs. downsides however are the routinary menial work, graveyard shift, and the irate customers.
i actually almost got myself working in a call center. earlier this year, months after i resigned from my previous job, i was still unemployed and so i passed my resumé to some reputable call centers in Makati. to make the long story short, i've been given tempting job offers and just when i was about to accept one, my current employer called for a testing and after one interview, they hired me. (i'm a junior programmer right now by the way.)
but i'm not gonna blog about my career life today. i'd just like to share with you this wonderful forward about call centers. nah, actually about healing and love. the set-up is that of a technical support call center. read on...
*****
HOW TO INSTALL LOVE
Customer Service (CS) Rep. : Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE. Can you guide me through the process?
CS Rep. : Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?
CS Rep. : The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
CS Rep. : What programs are running ma'am?
Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
CS Rep. : No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
CS Rep. : My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
CS Rep. : Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS Rep. : Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEART's in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
CS Rep. : What does the message say?
Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS." What does that mean?
CS Rep. : Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in nontechnical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
Customer: So what should I do?
CS Rep. : Can you pull down the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer: Yes, I have it.
CS Rep. : Excellent. You're getting good at this.
Customer: Thank you.
CS Rep. : You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?
CS Rep. : Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go.
Customer: Yes?
CS Rep. : LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.
Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?
CS Rep. : You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great Physician, but most call me God. Most people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy, but the manufacturer (Me) suggests a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Put another way, keep in touch.........
~ Author Unknown
*****
now this got me thinking what a rave call centers for love would be. people trying to call you, bugging and complaining about their heart problems. seems crazy and desperate, eh? those advice columns and dr. love-radio-programs will soon cease if ever this materializes, i'm telling you.
imagine, how easy life would then be. a 5-minute call and you're dilemma will be solved.
one problem though: who's got the perfect answers for all the call-in queries about love?
love isn't as simple as deciphering your advanced internet protocols..
love isn't mechanical in the first place.
well. that's the mystery (and burden) of love i guess. there isn't a step-by-step manual for it. no amount of detailed procedure could encapsulate the mechanisms of this enigma.
no easy answers. no shove-it-on-my-face debugging techniques. no 5-step guide to configurations.
still, love isn't so bad.
elusive, yes. but i guess that what makes the whole painful journey worth it.
once you've found love, you'll just never let go.
i know a lot of people who are actually employed in call centers. for one thing, call centers pay better than usual daytime office jobs. plus, the population in companies like these is relatively young and for sure, you'd feel very comfortable with the crowd. professional growth seems to be promising, as the industry is relatively young and unergoing expansion -- thus a lot of higher management and leadership positions are up for grabs. downsides however are the routinary menial work, graveyard shift, and the irate customers.
i actually almost got myself working in a call center. earlier this year, months after i resigned from my previous job, i was still unemployed and so i passed my resumé to some reputable call centers in Makati. to make the long story short, i've been given tempting job offers and just when i was about to accept one, my current employer called for a testing and after one interview, they hired me. (i'm a junior programmer right now by the way.)
but i'm not gonna blog about my career life today. i'd just like to share with you this wonderful forward about call centers. nah, actually about healing and love. the set-up is that of a technical support call center. read on...
*****
HOW TO INSTALL LOVE
Customer Service (CS) Rep. : Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE. Can you guide me through the process?
CS Rep. : Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?
CS Rep. : The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
CS Rep. : What programs are running ma'am?
Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
CS Rep. : No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
CS Rep. : My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
CS Rep. : Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS Rep. : Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEART's in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
CS Rep. : What does the message say?
Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS." What does that mean?
CS Rep. : Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in nontechnical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
Customer: So what should I do?
CS Rep. : Can you pull down the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer: Yes, I have it.
CS Rep. : Excellent. You're getting good at this.
Customer: Thank you.
CS Rep. : You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?
CS Rep. : Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go.
Customer: Yes?
CS Rep. : LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.
Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?
CS Rep. : You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great Physician, but most call me God. Most people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy, but the manufacturer (Me) suggests a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Put another way, keep in touch.........
~ Author Unknown
*****
now this got me thinking what a rave call centers for love would be. people trying to call you, bugging and complaining about their heart problems. seems crazy and desperate, eh? those advice columns and dr. love-radio-programs will soon cease if ever this materializes, i'm telling you.
imagine, how easy life would then be. a 5-minute call and you're dilemma will be solved.
one problem though: who's got the perfect answers for all the call-in queries about love?
love isn't as simple as deciphering your advanced internet protocols..
love isn't mechanical in the first place.
well. that's the mystery (and burden) of love i guess. there isn't a step-by-step manual for it. no amount of detailed procedure could encapsulate the mechanisms of this enigma.
no easy answers. no shove-it-on-my-face debugging techniques. no 5-step guide to configurations.
still, love isn't so bad.
elusive, yes. but i guess that what makes the whole painful journey worth it.
once you've found love, you'll just never let go.
// posted by revicon @ 10:50:00 AM 
Comments:
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I work in a call center, and it is for a German company. I guess it is cheaper for the Germans to go to the US for their outsourcing?
# posted by 
: 6:42 AM
: 6:42 AM
^^^ hi are you in germany? or are you in the US?
i think, most companies who do outsourcing of call centers or even solutions work is due to its cost-minimizing facet. you get similar quality of work for a lower cost.
practical business option :)
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i think, most companies who do outsourcing of call centers or even solutions work is due to its cost-minimizing facet. you get similar quality of work for a lower cost.
practical business option :)
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